Egos dont care what the external package looks like. Anonymous. Then, really invite your husband to share his experience of what's been happening in the marriage. It can take months for them to grasp the idea that they and they alone are responsible for the choices they made and the ensuing crap storm that resulted. I feel like I have to force him. Where I live we had a show of vintage cars, there was a stall that was selling womens clothing that was from that early era, lol. I totally agree, Decimated. So many affairs are blamed on boredom, Dougs included. On my birthday . Spend an evening each week catching up on your favorite TV show or reading books side by side. I dont think we should ever let ourselves fall into the boredom trap either, but I am so tired (as the betrayed spouse) of feeling like I need to become a one woman circus to keep the interest going. Good advise eg. Easier to blame me. Wow I have been coming here for years. But you already know that, lol. You might not see it, but your relatives can sometimes be quite overwhelming, especially if theyre always around. I agree that, for me, its my commitment to God, first and foremost. Rafting, kayaking, swimming, water parks, cool restaurants No museums, tours, etc.-- you know, old-fogey . I wonder at times how my h felt when he looked at himself in the mirror while his eyes mind was battling with his heart and soul. My ex may have made out well with money , but I have my sons. he says he feels indifferent even to his family. Unique Proposal Ideas To Make Your Partner Say Yes, 21 Signs the Universe Wants You to Be With Someone, What to Do When a Guy Ghosts You: Obvious Red Flag Explained. They work, because one of my girlfriend's husband was having trouble getting hard and he ordered one.. She is so proud of . Plan weekend getaways or vacations well in advance so he has something to look forward to and can plan accordingly at work. If this is a recent development, you may be wondering what went wrong and how to fix it. I too am a fun person, and we dont do shi* b/c other half is content doing nothing. Self-destruct, and take the easy way out. My husband never wants to hang out and just spend time with me but then gets overly butthurt when we go more than a couple days without having sex. If he sees that youre making an effort for him, hell likely reciprocate. Then when I think about how unappreciative and selfish her betrayal was in the first place I feel like fool for stretching myself so thin when I feel like she should be kissing MY ass. It's easier than figuring out how to bring something up. You know it has nothing to do with looks. Peace of trash she is, I see even more with that comment she made how she wanted my children, as well as my h, I cam only imagine the bad things she told my h to get him on her side with that idea, having him think I was a terrible mother as well as wife. He did help out by having someone come in once a week and do the heavier cleaning. What I thought would come back to me at some point (like a true relational marriage), is no longer my dream. Now he puts extra hours at work and prefers to spend time with his friends. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. We both are. Yes, this is selfish behavior but we ALL have our emotional limits. Not one bit. I am normally a fun person and outgoing, but even that has faded away. The day-to-day grind of work, errands, and childcare can make it hard to find time for each other, and you conclude: My husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me. This is especially true if you have different schedules or live in other places. Exercise grace I relate entirely to the one-women circus comment (except the women part-haha.) He has become a public figure, and the repercussions are potentially enormous. They go into a mode of I am such a good person, it must be YOUR fault that I did such an awful thing. Try not to take it personally if he seems distant. My son is starting his divorce proceedings this week and he has a 3 year old son. and we started dating. A selfish husband will not care about your feelings. Do you often think, my husband doesn t like spending time with my family and me? It is now scheduled for this Thursday . And I mean that really is ALL HE EVER WANTS TO DO!!!!! Before we got married, he kept himself clean. Most of the Time My Husband Doesn't Want to do Sh*t 67 by Linda and Doug Those were the words that one of our friends told Linda recently Saturday night we met up with two other couples who we consider to be some of our closest friends. Literally in our home, in our space, with a very good friend all part of a couple etc.. a friendship grew and grew and he did nothing at all to stop it. ULK I hate it all for everyone but I am trying to be the constant for him. Use that time to bond with him, leash-train and you should be good. 22/07/2018 09:47. What to do if my husband never wants to do anything with me because of mental illness? Not even for the kids. The judge stated that nobody wins in a divorce. After a very entertaining and tasty dinner at a casual restaurant, we went outside to where a jazz concert was going on. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. Now he only changes underwear and showers once a week. Even if youre not trying to ignore him, busyness can create an emotional barrier. It's an example of his own insecurity and need to control you. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and we have a 8 week old daughter together. He Never Asks Your Opinion. He's Totally Stopped Texting You Back. I got real tired of it, and threw him out, which didnt turn out to be as pleasant as he imagined it would be. I know my h has always been a strong capable man, full of honor, self respect and pride, it definately would not have been an easy road seeing someone else staring at you in the mirror. Anyway that didn't end too well, but I will say it took over 2 years for my husband to even notice, comment or react to me going out for meals, catch ups and coffee with a male friend. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. he had an emotional affair a few years ago and I have had a hard time forgiving him but I do not let him know this. Absolutely NOT ! People value what they invest in as opposed to what they are not invested in.. I am smarter this time around, and while I dont plan to live my life constantly suspecting him of something, I will not live it with blind trust again, either. Guess what happened, I lost focus on me again and I gained most of it back, it doesnt feel good at all. I really did want out but didnt see a way. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. He keeps telling me I did nothing wrong, there was nothing I could have done better or different. Pre-affair I was as guilty as anyone. I usually dont think of him at all. Big surprise. I hope that eventually you can look back on your marriage and not look at it as wasted time. First, talk to him about how youre feeling and see if theres anything he can do to change the situation. Constantly needing reassurance from your spouse can be suffocating and is likely one of the reasons why hes pulling away. He should be talking with the baby if not reading to baby at least once a week is not asking much. Liz Pardue-Schultz and her husband Greg Schultz Silver Charm Photography Many people in relationships often feel obligated to accompany their partners to events they don't want to go to,. If someone's lack of response has become a. c. I need to stay true to who I am. Additionally, try not to nitpick everything that he does wrong. First, try to be more positive when youre around him. Ad by Techy Twist Ever heard of the Mandela effect? The only activity I can get him to do is sit and eat at restaurants. I stayed home with the kids, took care of all the household stuff, cooking cleaning etc. Prior to our experience with infidelity Linda had always been the family organizer and planner and she did a hell of a job. Remember what the marriage vows say? My parents were recent ly deceased, I had no money cause he would not work, and no where to go. For years, the six of us and all of our kids would go camping and do other stuff together several times a year. I work full time and my husband has been retired for 10 years. I know now we got pregnant way too early after the affair becuse Im obviously still struggling in the aftermath. Two years ago he was an ER physician, today he spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to open the refrigerator. Compliment him on things he does well, and express gratitude for you. I give up on getting a true apology. i really dont mind cleaning, i used to clean the house for him all the . It sucks. If youve gained a lot of weight, let your hair go gray, or stopped caring about your appearance, its possible your husband no longer finds you attractive. If he does something differently, it does not mean that it's wrong. You might be unwittingly putting distance between yourself and your partner by being too busy. Maybe you have a friend or acquaintance who would love to get up and go. My major flaw is that Im fat. I feel none of it was appreciated and he has a sense of entitlement. Some of the big realizations I have had in this post affair phase are: a. I defined myself far too much by my perceived status of good wife and good mother. He had ti see her because it made her feel better, then when that wasnt working anymore, lets bring mummy dearest over from overseas to help her with her attempts at getting my h away from me. No, no one wins we just keeping moving forward. Even he says he had no complaints. I saw something somewhere that research indicates that 65% or more of extramarital affairs can be directly attributed to boredom. The full 3 months have gone by and your dog has settled in. Well some days will be poorer (and not just in money). What do you do when your spouse doesnt want to spend any free time with you? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. This can make him feel resentful and unwilling to spend time with you. Im running out of ideas and shes boring the sh## outta me and shes the one who cheated. Then I feel hurt when he doesnt. I'd go with an ultimatum: remind him you're not his servant, nor a . Gizfield, I had put on heaps of weight too after my children, I guess she thought she had the upper hand. BUT I am so happy that this is FINALLY coming to closure for you. That's as good a moment as any to assess your connections and consider if your friends are just busy, or if they're brushing you off for another reason. Very good post Doug. My husband is a type 2 diabetic (which is totally uncontrolled) and has hypertension, elevated cholesterol, as well as several other health issues. Eg, its funny you commented about being a step ford wife, lol. Showing more affection in different ways or spending more time together may help resolve the issue. I believe that is why most BS wouldnt even think about entering an affair, really who had the time and energy. He confesses that his testimony and knowledge of the gospel was minimal before a harrowing climb on Denali, the highest peak in North America, forced him to put his new faith to the test. Im doing everything I can to bring the romance and passion back to our marriage while she acts miserable every day. Do you find yourself constantly needing your husbands attention? If you have been in this situation you know that this will also include mental, sexual, and many other types of abuse as well. With empty nesthood approaching fast they were concerned that the rest of their lives were going to be lifeless and dull. How profound. It had an article about trauma recovery that said basically you are healed when you can review the trauma in a non emotional way. Not until later on the drive home did I learn what the gals were chatting about. He will not permit me to go out with friends or anywhere even the grocery store without his being with me. Also, the 21st birthday of my oldest son. They didnt really do anything or go anywhere special together and to the casual observer, certainly not anything or anywhere exciting. She treated him better during their affair then she was treating me afterward. Jed believed he was having a midlife crisis and he does fit the scenario but I am just worn out and tired of dealing with him. I was tiresome and costing me a fortune! But before you jump to conclusions, there are a few other possible explanations for why your husband doesnt want to spend time with you. Its control, but only when he sees me doing things that dont involve him. John, I felt exactly the same as you after I found out bout my XWWs almost 2 year affair. Its a vicious cycle I see repeated on many blogs. Something along the lines of, well if he was happy he wouldnt be with me. Take time to let the responses settle in, and strive not to be defensive," she says. It's been 10 years of this. All lies he makes up to mess with her head. But basically things rotated around ME supporting HIM. 25 Signs Your Husband Doesn't Love You Anymore 1. A Comprehensive Guide to 'Vanderpump Rules' Hookups Over the Years. Thank you exercise grace and for cryinoutloud, I appreciate your kind words. I try to engage him and put energy into our relationship and it helps for a few days then he is back to doing nothing. But some expectations. Our social lives can revolve a bit too much THROUGH our kids. It was certainly different from our normal family life. But threats of leaving, cutting off "privileges," or even threats . Tell them, openly and honestly, how important travel is to you. Discover the 10 Most Important Lessons about Surviving Infidelity, Most of the Time My Husband Doesnt Want to do Sh*t, No Such Thing As TMI The Importance of Full Disclosure After You Have Had an Affair, Affair Recovery Moving On After Infidelity, Taking Inventory: A New Approach to the New Year & A Betrayed Spouses Bill of Rights, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair, Terms of Service/Privacy Policy/Affiliate Disclosure. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. He has let his hair grow long and messy and refuses to get a haircut. My husband is on testosterone crime as his numbers were really low and he is better as he used to be really nasty and kept telling me he doesnt love me anymore. I brought it up in marriage counseling and the counselor said if he was bored it was because he was boring. It may seem that way, Rachel, but from what youve said he really isnt in control. Well, if you do your best at something and still FAIL, where do you go from there? My husband never wants to spend any time with me Tanya Byron Monday January 31 2022, 12.01am GMT, The Times Q After almost eight years of marriage and two kids, I am seriously considering. Suggest ways to wind down together after a long day instead of just vegging out in front of the TV. Go on the internet and look for a "Penis Pump" and order one for him.. Gradually, he's changed, and his hygiene has gotten worse and worse. He has outgrown you or never cared in the first place or he is just self absorbed and a loner. When hes wrinkly, shriveled, and losing his faculties he will know in his heart and probably mind too that he caused destruction. This is not an all-inclusive list. Also I am MUCH more aware of making even the slightest joke at his expense. Certainly you must determine that there is nothing more serious physically going on as well. They were bored. Instead, he could simply be showing his love by other gestures. Absolutely 100%. They questioned whether or not they had anything in common anymore with their husbands. All for some worthless, bunny boiling slut. Oh, and your partner should never ask you to "stop crying" or say things like "you can't get mad." Your feelings are your feelings.